Ugh!

Inspired by a YM conversation I had with Ria last night. So... what parts of your body makes you insecure? Mine would be: dry legs, skinny limbs, my boring hair, misaligned teeth, lack of a defined chin, my sleepy eyes, posture, lack of a butt, my nails, and peklat.

I know it's no help to your self-esteem to dwell on them but it's seriously fun realizing it's not just you who nitpicks on your appearance.

"I have man shoulders!"

Full Circle

I haven't written anything on this blog for the longest time since I've been uploading my random brain farts in my Facebook Notes but since I kinda missed writing here, lemme start again with this stupid question:

Would you rather get caught by your parents:

a. doing drugs

or

b. having sex

Because I honestly don't know which would be the lesser evil, haha. I'd pick A only because it's not as mortifying as B but the repercussions could be a million times worse. :p Then again, maybe I'm just really petrified at the thought of being sent to rehab.

Thursday Blues

I got a text this morning that made me panic and I ended up accidentally burning my uniform top while I was ironing. Then the threads holding the clasps of my pants have come undone, so I have to pull up my pants every few minutes while walking. It has also been raining and so these clasp-less pants have been getting spattered with puddle water everywhere I walk. I also looked in the mirror today and discovered that I have a new pimple right in between my eyebrows like a freakin bindi.

Something tells me it’s really not so bad, but it just seems like it because I’m currently hormonal. With that in mind, I think I’ll watch “My Best Friend’s Wedding’” and stuff my face with chocolate when I go home.

Rarrrrr.

Nice Girls

Who Dares Wins

Deep down inside, I always thought of myself as a nice girl. I don't screw over guys, I'm loyal, I'm responsible, I have good work ethic, I'm not particularly that reckless, I'm well-educated, I'm somewhat domesticated (except for laundry, I can do everything), and on my good days, I know I'm someone you can bring home to your parents.

But... I'm not a pretty girl in the Ani DiFranco sense. My girl friends and I have that in common. I'm a hurricane of a woman. I'm a ball-buster. I know I have a crazy, quirky personality that shoots out bolts of lightning. I am a daredevil. I can dance up a frenzy and I can wrap my arms around you and serenade you with goofy songs. I do art, I write, I skate (i know how to ollie but that's it haha), I gesticulate wildly when I tell stories. I take the lead and twirl guys around when I do my drunken ballroom dancing. I gladly hurl myself into open sea when I can because I love the water and I like to swim. I'm a slippers and sneakers girl. I can't dress plain even if I tried. I laugh long and loud. I eat like a boar, and I drink like a fish. I give the dumbest pop culture references.

And while I love who I am and who I'm continuing to grow into, sometimes I can't help but feel jealous of the nice girls who seem to have it easier. While I perceive a good lot of them as bland, insipid, and boring, I have this paradigm in my head that tells me that these are the girls that guys will gladly be knights in shining armor for.

I'm very complex and very volatile, and yet I know I'm worth it. But I can't blame most guys for going for something with less complications. Rest assured though, I know that we'll rock your world and we're girls for keeps.

Ok, somebody shoot me already!

Perfecting Loneliness

Perfect?

I think I've developed a grave mistrust of guys who are too smooth or too bolero. I used to get butterflies over that sort of attention back in the day, but seriously... If a guy tries to tickle me, "bicker" with me (you know how that goes, they'll instigate a fight or a debate with you to rile you up as a way for them to get your attention), makes fun of me, texts me about things that aren't loaded with anything ("Hey"), or pulls out the pa-cute card, I'm out of there. I think this is me moving out of the playground already. I hate games. If a guy can sustain my attention without the need for magic tricks or a bag of props, only then will I bother spending time with them. Unless the props are really that brilliant, haha.

So What Happens When Warped Tour Boy Grows Up

Allow me to explain the title. "Vans Warped Tour Boy" was a term I coined while I was chatting with one of my best friends Ria. Warped Tour Boy is the term that epitomizes the type of guy that I tend to fall head over heels for. Warped Tour Boy is a boy of the post hardcore music persuasion. He has sexy facial piercings. He skates and rips like a crazy motherfucker. He's a walking endorser for skate brands such as Element, DC, Adio, etc. (though needless to say, the caricature isn't pogi and I like them boys pogi).

Warped Tour Boy has to have gorgeous ink. He plays in a post-hardcore band as well; if he plays the bass, I'd be all over him like a fat kid on a cupcake. He drinks, he smokes. He gets plus points if he has not-so severe, not-so long spiked hair. He can rock classic black Chucks. He can wear a white short-sleeved button down with a skinny black tie and look like my personal savior. He has an impressive collection of band shirts, pins, and posters. He has a stash of studded belts.

This imagery has kept my heart in a flutter for years.

I guess I remembered my old friend, Warped Tour Boy when I found myself at the rock stage at Davao Festival last year. I try to make the annual pilgrimage because I love my music, I love the festival communion, and I love being around like-minded people.

Granted that I do find it annoying that Lolita-circus-Emo arrived to the masses 8 years too late (then again, herd mentality in any form is annoying), that really wasn't it. I have been in mosh pits with unsavory characters and I have found myself in sketchy, hole-in-the-wall bars many, many times. It takes a lot a to faze me.

I guess the tipping point happened while I was sitting on the gravel in the parking lot holding my cup of Red Horse. "I don't belong here anymore," my head seemed to say. I compare it to watching a movie you loved as a kid years later then finally seeing all the tacky special effects. It doesn't change the fact that you still love the movie, but it's like having a myth shattered.

I couldn't find a single band I enjoyed at the rock stage (maybe except for Cog, because... it's Cog, biases aside). I liked hearing the Ambassadors' old songs, but I found myself not being able to relate to the new ones. The other bands, to me they just sounded like ripoffs of my favorite bands with the vocalists not quite nailing what I wanted to hear. Maybe simply put, I really don't resonate with this generation's rock sound now. It sounds too rehashed, too formulaic... to the point that you can see the strings holding up the flying heroes. It was like emerging out of Plato's cave, or realizing Falkor from the Neverending Story was just a mechanical puppet. Ouch.

I've been feeling this way about the rock scene for quite some time, hence my absence from a lot of gigs for years now. When it all comes down to it, I'm really there for the music. If friends really wanted to see me, they know where to find me. When I graduated from Ateneo a couple of years back, I found myself unconsciously hanging up my studded belts. My standard uniform of a tank top with my black bra straps sticking out, the baggy flared jeans, the Chucks, and the stud belt is now a fleeting memory. I stopped listening to Thrice after Vheissu. Thursday disappointed me heavily with A City By the Light Divided. Taking Back Sunday's albums get weaker as the years go by (in the same note, I have to give credit to Brand New accomplishing the total opposite). I'm actually also dreading Alexisonfire's Young Cardinals. If I can't like it, then it's over. It's really the end of an era.

I remember Warped Tour Boy because I realized that I'm not Warped Tour Girl anymore. I can't go on creating my projections out of my subculture affiliations because I know that I should stop creating projections period. Come to think of it, my Warped Tour Boy doesn't exist anymore. No, thank you. I don't like hanging onto the past. My dream boy would have the better sense to grow up.

Good Weekend

Hmmm, let’s see:

1. Our new condo-mate has finally moved in with us.
2. I got my old CD's sent by my sisters through LBC.
3. Hung out with MIHCA friends.
4. Watched Inception and it's pretty awesome.
5. Finally, went to a tattoo shop with Ria for a consult.

Yup, I had a good weekend.

Blah Blah

Name: Kathleen Cordero
Age according to your birth certificate: 22
Age you really think you are: 17

1) What are 5 things you really like about yourself?
- Most clothes look awesome on me
- My ability to entertain people on long car trips
- Morphing into a man with just enough alcohol
- I'm really comfortable in my skin right now
- I'd write more but I'd risk sounding really conceited

2) What is one accomplishment you are really proud of that you can't ever write down in your resume?
I can stand people droning on and on without flinching or showing any sign of boredom or disinterest. Took lots of practice drifting into lalaland.

3) If you could live a secret life, what kind of secret life would you live?
Supermodel with uber pouty lips and a sexy slouched posture.

4) What is the loveliest thing someone's told you lately?
Hmmm... I really can't remember.

5) What is the most supreme act of kindness ever shown to you?
My parents standing up for me.

6) What is your inner child wearing right now?
A big, big rainbow tutu.

7) Describe the very moment you first fell in love.
Wheeeeeeeee....

8) Describe your favorite person without using any adjectives.
He looks like the baby Jesus in swaddling clothes when he's sleeping in his bed. An overgrown baby, that is. Shit, three adjectives. Sorry.

9) Complete the sentence on your future headstone: "Here lies...."
I don't want anything written on my urn.

10) What movie character would you love to play?
I'll get back to you on this one -- but I remember wanting so bad to be Christina Ricci in Now and Then or Claudia Kishi in the Baby-Sitters club movie.

11) Describe your perfect birthday cake.
Estrelle's caramel cake! Or Mrs. Yulo's Strawberry shortcake! With pretty candles.

12) A stadium of people are clapping for you and giving you a standing ovation. What did you just do to deserve this?
Being the greatest Risk player in the world. Then I'll have the crowd chant for me to become the supreme ruler of the universe.

The lucky 13 question: If you were a musical instrument, what instrument would you be and how would you like to be played?
Trombone. Wait, I don't know. Something that would require lots of saliva, tongue, and sensual stroking. LOL

Epiphany

I actually truly love my life now. Really! I mean there are still way too many quirks that need some fixing up, but seriously, I'm good. I haven't had this much fun with things in a while, I love hanging out with my friends, and it feels so good to be in my skin. And newsflash: I LOVE BEING SINGLE! I love the introspection I'm getting, I love my me-time, and I love not being complicated anymore. I really don't know what to say. I'm a bigger goofball now and there are so many moments that are just too good to pass up. Like what Ria says, this has been the best semester of our lives.

I'm disgusting.

Lately, everything in my life has been... cinematic. I've been relishing in my angst, my cynicism, and jadedness for too long. It's now time for corny and Disney.

It's the season for cheesy moments, I say. Cold air, good smokes, the right songs popping at the right time, and food hits.

Blurbs

Ria and I have a penchant for looking at men's clothes (because they have more awesome pants and cooler accessories). So while at Zara Man and after dying of man clothes lust, we posed each other this question: What would you be like if you were a guy?

Ria said I'd be a skinny skater boy, I said that she'll be a blond dreadlocked surfer dude.

Nah, but seriously, both of us sometimes think we'd fare better in life had we been born guys. I think I would've made a hot guy, and as conceited as it sounds, I think I wouldn't have that much problems with girls the same way I'd agonize over boys growing up. I guess it's kind of like how me and my sisters fantasize about going back to high school knowing what we know right now.

And as a boy, I think I'd probably still be the same. I'd still do art, get into freak accidents, drink like a madman, and hang out with my buddies.

We then progressed with this mind fuck question: Ok, so if you were a guy, would you date a Kathleen or a Ria?

Both of us just cackled and agreed that if the first impression were the sole basis, then sure. We know all too well the repercussions of dating someone as complex and confused as us.

My New Lover

Hello, my darling!

I never really liked James Franco. I thought he was a giant wuss in the first two Spiderman movies, and then somewhat cute in the third one. He was also a wee bit more tolerable in Fly Boys. Too much of a pretty boy and it he seems like the type of guy who'd cry if I punched him square in the eye.

BUT! I saw the movie Pineapple Express... and.. and... HOMAYGAD. I LOFFF YOUUUU!!! I will *blank* *blank* you in a heart beat. IN A HEART BEAT! Gimme some of your Pineapple Express!!! *wink wink, nudge nudge*

Mundane Conversations

I want candy.

Katt:"The way I see it, it's like this, when guys see girls, they feel like they're in a candy store. So many pretty things to choose from, so many flavors to try!

When I look at guys, I feel like I'm staring at an ukay. Piles and piles of crap that I have to sift through; yet with enough perseverance and patience, I do manage to fish out a find from the garbage naman."

Ria:"Tapos yun pala may butas yung nakuha mo."

Kuchi:"Oh well, shit happens."

Random Useless Facts About Me

1. I share my bedroom with a tiny mouse (who plays with my things in the middle of the night and can get annoying) and I'm pondering if I should kill the cute little thing or not.

2. I'm beginning to doubt the capacity of my will power.

3. I need more tomato-based dishes and food in our unit. I always wake up craving for something with tomato sauce mixed with basil, mushroom, and onion.

4. I used to read books in the shower. Now I don't. I also always used to read the labels of any nearby bathroom products when brushing my teeth.

5. I think the breakfast buffet is the most magnificent food invention in the world.

6. I move the fastest whenever my roommate and I have to get ready to go out of the house. Sometimes she'll yell at me when she sees me under my blanket in my bed, but lo and behold, I'm already dressed.

7. Sometimes when under the influence, I can get really kinetic. I have to be moving around manically. I do cartwheels, jumps, and I glomp people.

Money Woes

It's either I starve, not buy clothes or books... or choose not to see anybody. I'm freaking sick of this place.

Ang mahal ng cost of living dito sa Manila, putragis.

Holly Hox Forget Me Nots

What's my age again?

All I want to do is get out of the house, go to the top of some hill with a case of beer, smoke my brains out, and play this album full blast.

I articulate my feelings like a 16 year old emo kid, I might as well admit it.

Mi Casa Su Casa

Me and Ria on Glee marathon.

I have never felt this exhausted. I don't even know if exhausted is the right word. What I'm feeling now is a combination of a lot of factors that culminate into a montage of me walking home, kicking my shoes off, quickly dressing into a t-shirt and tiny shorts, and maybe reading a magazine or a graphic novel before I go to sleep.

Our condo is a disaster area, well as you probably figure out in the picture above. Roomie doesn't want to sleep above the deck so she instead puts her mattress on the floor beside my bed. We have around 3 weeks worth of laundry still in their plastic bags that have yet to be sorted and placed into our cabinets. I couldn't be bothered. But I should though. Being independent kinda sucks.

P.S. Thanks for the cheesecake and pictures Kuchi. Goodtimes!

Perfecting Randomness

What in the world?

1.) Think back five months ago, were you single?
Yup.

2.) Who can you blame for your bad mood today?
The weather? It's too hot.

3.) How was last night?
I had a wonderful time catching up with my Mom and my sisters.

4.) How are you feeling right now?
I'm thirsty and I badly need a shower. I also would like to get away to somewhere quiet.

5.) Who were the first person you heard this morning?
Ria, my intergalactic roommate.

6.) What are you listening to?
The humming of the air conditioning unit.

7.) Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
They better.

8.) Last thing you bought?
A Mango Passion Fruit shake.

9.) Are you a big fan of snowstorms or thunderstorms?
Only if I'm indoors with good food and a nice book... and a lover. Haha.

10.) Are you a jealous person?
Somewhat.

11.) Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Nope!

12.) What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
That was 12 hours ago... I was trying to go back to sleep but the sun's glaring at my face.

13.) Think a lot before you sleep?
Yup.

14.) What's running through your mind right now?
What I'm going to change into after my shower.

15.) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Yup. He's in Palawan though, that makes things tricky but we were on the phone for an hour during my last crisis. Good man, that one.

16.) Do you like to cuddle/snuggle?
If I'm in the mood, sure.

17.) Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
So I can shake him by the shoulders? Sure!

18.) Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
Not really. I'm not in a very social mood at the moment. And I'm a lazy texter anyway.

19.) Is your life anything like it was a year ago?
Not at all, and I'm glad.

20.) This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Oh, no. I was definitely hung up on someone this time last year.

21.) How late did you stay up last night?
Not late, I fell asleep a little after midnight.

22.) You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it?
Water. Duh.

23.) Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
Yes.

24.) Who are your favorite people to talk to when you’re down?
The Alkaline Sisters, girlfriends, and friends who can engage me with matters that stray from what bothers me.

26.) Are you a patient person?
No.

27.) What is the last thing you said out loud?
I don't remember, haha.

28.) Any plans for tomorrow?
Midtown, I guess. I'm hoping I can bug my roommate to watch a movie. It's been too long.

29.) What can't you wait for?
Graduation.

30.) Would you go out in public looking like you do right now?
NO. Holy shit, no.

31.) What's the worst way to say I love you?
When you're trying to be subtle but it comes off vague and confusing.

32.) Seven days from now will you be in a relationship?
HAHAHA.

33.) Are you mad about anything?
My ego got really bruised badly last week. I'm still trying to nurse the pitiful thing.

34.) What do you carry with you at all times?
Cellphone. Oakley. Wallet. iTouch.

35.) Are you mean?
Yes.

36.) What holiday is your birthday closest to?
Halloween!

37.) What's the last thing you searched for on Google?
Anthony Bourdain

38.) What's the worst lie you've heard?
"I love you."

Himynameisharley

Himynameisharley

My Mom got me an Ipod Touch that was sent to me via LBC from Davao!!! I’m still not over it!!! It’s my first ip0d ever, so I’m extra excited about this. She looks sexy and badass AND I finally came up with a name for her. Guys, meet Harley. It’s pretty obvious why I named her that. For those who don’t get it, shame on you click here.

From Here To Infirmary

Guess the band.

Your Taste in Music Says You're Wild
Your musical tastes are intense and rebellious.
You are intelligent... but in a very unconventional way.

You are curious about the world. You love doing something new.
In fact, you enjoy taking risks and doing things most people would shy away from.

You are very physical. It's likely that you're athletic, but not into team sports.

You have the soul of an artist. Beauty and harmony are important to you.

What Does Your Taste in Music Say About You?

I won't deny that this made me smile. Even though a lot of these quizzes are bullshit. :p

Life on the Fast Lane

Chefs has the nicest nails ;-)

The impromptu trip to Casa Ibiza with MIHCA peeps was a blast. Food and drinks all around. I know I should be resisting alcohol, but I'm paralyzed with fun... and nail polish. har har har.

Thanks for the good time fellas!

Happy Father's Day

Superman.

I was the kind of kid that always liked to be carried. Even at six years old when I was running around the playground in school, I always liked to be carried by my father. Thing is, I don’t recall a single time when my dad would complain or look tired when carrying me. He always did it with so much joy and love even though I realize now how heavy I had gotten. Maybe not in the literal sense, but my dad still continues to do this every single day for all of his children.

Thanks for never giving up on me, Dad. Wish there were more men like you in the world. I love you!

Pig Out

Rawr!

Nine. I ate nine buffalo wings for dinner last night. That… plus Carbonara and a bag of Cheetos.

Four years ago, this type of thing wouldn’t have bothered me even a little. My metabolism was frightfully fast that I could’ve eaten a whole gallon of ice cream and still be a 99-pound stick with a flat stomach. I’m 22 now and I can feel those superpowers slowly draining from now ailing body. It’s sad and scary. The increase of panic and anxiety I have for my health is equally proportionate to the increase of my weight.

Anyway, the remedies and diet plans are all there. The only problem now is to start doing them. And I better start ‘em soon..

On A Lighter Note

Okay, I think this blog needs to lighten up a bit. I get really lazy with writing sometimes, so I tend to blog in bullet points. Or in numbered lists. Like this one!

1. I will never get sick of watching Face Off. NEVAR!
2. On the contrary, Cheetos is a breakfast option.
3. Going to Baguio this weekend – eeeeyahooooooo!
4. Girls, if your hormones are going on haywire, a Will & Grace DVD marathon will help you through it. (Tried and tested.)
5. Yikes. My birthday’s in 4 months. Already??
6. As of a couple of minutes ago, my stats tell me my blog has gotten a hundred hits and counting! Thanks for visiting, everyone!
7. I don’t think I’m dressing up for our Class Costume Party next month, but if I could go as anything, I’d love to go as Princess Leia. Or Katy Perry.
   
8. And on a last note, I think Al Pacino is really scary in Godfather II.

Cheers!

Mic Check. One. Two.

Call it narcissistic, call it whatever. I’ve just always had this innate need to express myself – I have seventeen handwritten journals in my drawer to back up this statement. I have been writing since I was nine years old and photographing since I was eighteen. I like to think that I’ve seen enough beauty in my life to make me want to capture it and articulate it. Beauty seen and felt in smiles, sorrow and sarcasm. Through my musings, stories and photographs, it is mine to keep and mine to share.

Okay, enough.

Truth is, I don’t even know if people read this. Forget what I said just now. I’ve just been looking for a cool and easy blog site to write in. I just figured that people say all sorts of deep things in their first entries – like epiphanies or something. All I really wanted was just a new place to write in. Like a new notebook.

So yeah. Hello.